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bestprocessorever
Joined: 25 Mar 2005
Posts: 2
Location: Southern California
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| Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 9:11 pm Post subject: Mortgage Banking Dictionary - this is hilarious! |
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Hi, I'm new to the website...but I figured you all might enjoy this! :lol:
MORTGAGE BANKING DICTIONARY
Borrower: Otherwise intelligent consumer who believes lender should kiss him on both cheeks and give him the money - without all this credit report nonsense.
Closer: This person's only job is to salvage forty or fifty emergencies at the last moment of every end of month. This person is rarely truly sane.
Closing Date: Put into purchase contracts to give the closer fits of hysterical laughter.
Credit Report: Basis for advanced creative writing by Processor and buyer since white-out doesn't work any more.
Escrow Officer: A humorless individual who is only truly happy when they can blame the late closing on the lender.
Fannie Mae: Government agency run by ex-stripper.
Freddie Mac: Type of hamburger consumed in cars by loan officers.
Ginny Mae: Type of alcoholic beverage consumed in large quantities by mortgage employees.
Good Faith Estimate: Standard document which a loan officer presents to the buyer to confuse them further.
Loan Application: Document which mysteriously causes amnesia to the borrower concerning income, credit, bills, and ex-spouses.
Loan Officer: Highly qualified financial analyst who typically developed these skills while selling used cars or encyclopedias.
Processor: Overworked, underpaid person who collate the garbage received from the loan officer and transforms it into a real loan. These individuals are known to consume massive amounts of candy, popcorn, and cookies.
Rate: This figure is always higher than the buyer's uncle thinks it should be.
Realtor: Highly trained professional who nevertheless has trouble figuring out how to subtract the down payment from the sales price to get the loan amount, but have no trouble figuring exact commission without a calculator.
Underwriter: Conscientious employee otherwise known as "God". Their most difficult task is responding to loan agent's explanations of poor credit and income history while maintaining a straight face.
We need further information: We lost your file.
Your loan is in committee: The underwriter/Processors are having a three margarita lunch and we can't find them.
Funny, huh? :D Hope you all enjoyed it!!
HAPPY FRIDAY, by the way!!!
:D
[/u] |
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BECCA9892003
Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 400
Location: Altoona, PA
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| Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 9:17 pm Post subject: |
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This so made my day!!!!!
thanks! |
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David
Joined: 19 May 2004
Posts: 754
Location: Atlanta, GA
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| Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 10:22 pm Post subject: |
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That is awesome! :lol:
Thanks for sharing that. :) |
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bestprocessorever
Joined: 25 Mar 2005
Posts: 2
Location: Southern California
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| Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 10:32 pm Post subject: |
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| My pleasure....all too many times I find my self taking this business way too seriously- then I read that and it makes me smile and lessens the impact of my near-to-death experiences. :wink: Tell me I'm not the only one who at the end of the day is hunched over with knots in my upper shoulders and my heart still is throbbing at the pace of "I'm going to die if this loan does not close today along with the borrower, the LO, and the agent." :wink: :) |
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Professional Mortgage Man
Joined: 30 Jan 2005
Posts: 56
Location: Heartland USA
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| Posted: Sat Mar 26, 2005 3:57 pm Post subject: Realtor defined |
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Realtor n. (re-litt-er)
1. A lower profession where they appear to be trying to sell a real estate,but actually they just create chaos and they make very little money for long hours of work.
[b]2 A person who poses in front of a toilet and shows you how it flushes.
[b]3 a bi-polar neurotic small brained person who is very confused and consumes great amounts of alcohol,prozac,zolof or any other drug they can find.
[b]4 a glorified taxi driver who bartends bar-time to make ends meet.
[b]5 corrupt lower life form.
[b]6 a whore.
[b]7 watch the movies "American Beauty" and "Glen Garry Glen Ross" for an exact image.
[b]8 a mentally challenged person.
oh yeah baby!
Ciao,
Proman 8) |
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