Nikko
Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 536
Location: Northern CA
|
| Posted: Thu Mar 17, 2005 8:44 pm Post subject: Irish Jokes! Put 'em here! |
|
|
One day an Irishman who had been stranded on a deserted island for over
10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's certainly
not
a ship."
And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the
possibilities of
a small boat and even a raft.
Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited black clad figure.
Putting aside the scuba gear and the top of the wet suit, there stood a
drop-dead gorgeous blonde!
The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned Irishman and said to him,
"Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
"Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman.
With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproofed pocket on the left
sleeve or her wetsuit, and pulled out a fresh pack of cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag. "Faith and begorrah," said
the man, "that is so good I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Irish whiskey?"
asked the blonde.
Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years."
Hearing that, the blonde reaches over to her right sleeve unzips a pocket
there and removes a flask and hands it to him.
He opened the flask and took a long drink. "'Tis nectar of the gods!"
stated the Irishman. "'Tis truly fantastic!!!"
At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of
her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and
asked,
"And how long has it been since you played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed,
"Sweet Jesus! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there too!??? |
|
Quixote
Joined: 28 Jan 2005
Posts: 60
Location: Southern California
|
| Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 4:40 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Not really all that Irish, but it could have happened in an Irish Pub...
So this guy walks into the bar carrying a box under his arm. He sets the box on the bar, grabs a stool, sits down, orders himself a beer and starts drinking it. The bartender keeps looking at the box and finally just to make some small talk and satisfy his curiosity, asks the man, "So... uh.. whatcha got in the box?" The man says not a word, opens the top of the box and pulls out a tiny little piano. It's beautiful. Real wood, polished up. A tiny little grand piano. Then he reaches in and pulls out a tiny little man, about a foot tall, in a tiny little tuxedo and tiny little tophat. The tiny little man proceeds to sit down at the tiny little piano and starts playing a beautiful classical melody.
The bartender is amazed. He can't believe what he's seeing and hearing. He looks back at the man and says, "That’s really cool. Uh…You got anything else in that box?" The man reaches in and pulls out a shiny crystal orb and sets in on the bar. The bartender says, "So... what's that thing do?" The man finally speaks. He says, "If you close your eyes and rub the orb while making a wish, it's supposed to grant you your wish." The bartender is a little skeptical. He asks, "Does it work?" The man says, "Try it yourself." So the bartender closes his eyes, makes a wish, and rubs the orb.
When he opens his eyes, he cannot believe what he sees. Everywhere he looks---on top of the bar, under the bar, on top of, over, under, and around every table, on top of the pool table under the juke box, on top of the cash register-- absolutely everywhere he looks, all he can see is ducks. Lots and lots of ducks. A million ducks. He reaches across the bar and grabs the man by the lapels and screams over the noise of all the ducks, "I wanted a million BUCKS, not a million DUCKS!!!" The man calmly replies, "Do you really think I wanted a twelve inch pianist?" |
|
