| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
pussycat
Joined: 24 Jan 2005
Posts: 94
Location: Kansas City
|
| Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2005 9:49 pm Post subject: Definitions of Mortgage Terms |
|
|
MORTGAGE BANKING DICTIONARY
Borrower: Otherwise intelligent consumer who believes lender should kiss him on both cheeks and give him the money - without all this credit report nonsense.
Closer: This person's only job is to salvage forty or fifty emergencies at the last moment of every end of month. This person is rarely truly sane.
Closing Date : Put into purchase contracts to give the closer fits of hysterical laughter.
Credit Report : Basis for advanced creative writing by Processor and buyer since white-out doesn't work any more.
Escrow Officer: A humorless individual who is only truly happy when they can blame the late closing on the lender.
Fannie Mae: Government agency run by ex-stripper.
Freddie Mac : Type of hamburger consumed in cars by loan officers.
Ginny Mae: Type of alcoholic beverage consumed in large quantities by mortgage employees.
Good Faith Estimate : Standard document which a loan officer presents to the buyer to confuse them further.
Loan Application : Document which mysteriously causes amnesia to the borrower concerning income, credit, bills, and ex-spouses.
Loan Officer: Highly qualified financial analyst who typically developed these skills while selling used cars or encyclopedias.
Processor: Overworked, underpaid person who collate the garbage received from the loan officer and transforms it into a real loan. These individuals are known to consume massive amounts of candy, popcorn, and cookies.
Rate: This figure is always higher than the buyer's uncle thinks it should be.
Realtor: Highly trained professional who nevertheless has trouble figuring out how to subtract the down payment from the sales price to get the loan amount, but have no trouble figuring exact commission without a calculator.
Underwriter : Conscientious employee otherwise known as "God". Their most difficult task is responding to loan agent's explanations of poor credit and income history while maintaining a straight face.
We need further information : We lost your file.
Your loan is in committee : The underwriter/Processors are having a three margarita lunch and we can't find them. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Desert Duck-04
Joined: 22 Jan 2005
Posts: 65
Location: The Desert
|
| Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2005 10:24 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Soft Pre-payment Penalty: One that hasn't been fondled
Hard Pre-Payment Penalty: I'm thinkin you don't need any help here |
|
| Back to top |
|
Nikko
Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 536
Location: Northern CA
|
| Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2005 10:31 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Great posts, you two :) Thanks for the laugh! |
|
| Back to top |
|
AMP LOAN
Joined: 10 Feb 2005
Posts: 21
|
| Posted: Fri Feb 11, 2005 2:20 am Post subject: |
|
|
Term - What ever we feel like giving you
AE - Asshole Enough
LO - Lately Over-worked
GPM - Get Practice & (Annoy) Managers
Conditions - These are little pieces of paper we want you to stuff into your fax and try to get it to us before 5:00 pm Yesterday
Prelim - Another way of saying if you didn't pay your taxes your cash out will be less but you won't know that when we make a Loan Structure Analysis and quote you the cash out at the beginning
Divorce Decree - A paper showing you how big of a mistake you really made getting hitched to that person
Full Doc - Papers required for you prove your income so that you can see that you do not really qualify for the loan you need
Stated - Since you don't qualify working at McDonald's @ $6.25 per hour, we will turn you into a district Manager and have your friend who works the fry counter answer the phone to verify that you are indeed a manager
NINA - No Income, No A-Paper - You are a relative of a Columbian Drug Lord and you don't want any questions asked (but you still want a 30 yr fixed @ 5.75% with no prepay)
APPRAISAL - an estimate of the value of a property, made by a qualified professional called an appraiser that inflates your value so much, it may go to appraisal review and have your value cut
CLOSING COSTS - the costs and fees associated that are assessed at the closing or settlement which aren't ever true in the GFE
GFE - The Truth in Lending Statement that is never the truth when competing AE send them out to borrowers by hiding half the fees like reserves, YSP, etc.
LOAN-TO-VALUE RATIO - the realtionship between how much your house is worth and your borrowing potential as a 501 Mid fico...not enough to pay off those trips to the Brothels |
|
| Back to top |
|
| |
