Professional Mortgage Man
Joined: 30 Jan 2005
Posts: 56
Location: Heartland USA
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| Posted: Fri Feb 04, 2005 11:39 pm Post subject: The Top 16 Changes Now That the Baby has Arrived |
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The Top 16 Changes Now That the Baby has Arrived
16. Hubby drops to #2 on the list of people drooling
at the sight of your breasts.
15. Store clerks don't look at you so funny when you
buy your regular weekly supply of diapers.
14. Finally, someone you can beat at "Got Your Nose,"
at least for a year or so.
13. You develop a liking for minivans, sensible shoes,
and a deep-seated contempt for Michael Jackson.
12. You're not so tolerant of strangers asking to
touch your round little belly anymore now that you're
just FAT.
11. Goodbye, Happy Hour -- Hello, Happy Meal!
10. Can't leave the AK-47s under the couch anymore.
9. No longer get arrested for whipping out your
breast on the subway.
8. The realization that doodoo comes in a rainbow of
lovely colors.
7. Well, there goes the pet dingo.
6. Cases of Bud Light quickly replaced by cases of
Butt Wipes.
5. Bundle of joy, my ass. Just another ingrate to buy
cigarettes for.
4. Junior looks adorable in his little "sandbox", but
the cat is seriously P.O.'d about it.
3. Mama cuts back to a sixer a day now that she's
only "drinkin' fer one."
2. For efficiency, your paycheck now direct-deposited
to Disney.
and the Number 1 Change Now That the Baby has Arrived:
The closest you come to orgasm is when you think of
sleep.
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink
I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the brewery and all of their
hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they
might be out of work and their dreams would be
shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I
drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be
selfish and worry about my liver."
- Jack Handy
Ciao,
Proman 8) |
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