chow
Joined: 22 Jan 2005
Posts: 2350
Location: Cornfield County, Indiana
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| Posted: Fri Mar 03, 2006 12:00 pm Post subject: TGIF! |
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Actual Newspaper Headlines (collected by journalists)
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Farmer Bill Dies in House
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Stud Tires Out
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
Eye Drops off Shelf
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Deer Kill 17,000
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
Air Head Fired
Steals Clock, Faces Time
Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
Include your Children When Baking Cookies
20 Words that Should be in the Dictionary
1. ACCORDIONATED (ah kor' de on ay tid)
adj. Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.
2. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus)
adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
3. AQUALIBRIUM (ak wa lib' re um)
n. The point where the stream of drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from (a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b)squirting himself in the eye (or ear).
4. BURGACIDE (burg' uh side)
n. When a hamburger can't take any more torture and hurls itself through the grill into the coals.
5. BUZZACKS (buz' aks)
n. People in phone marts who walk around picking up display phones and listening for dial tones even when they know the phones are not connected.
6. CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun)
n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
7. DIMP (dimp)
n. A person who insults you in a cheap department store by asking, "Do you work here?"
8. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt')
v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will `remove' all the germs.
9. ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma)
n. A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in the rearview mirror.
10. EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz)
n. Gangly people sitting in front of you at the movies who, no matter what direction you lean in, follow suit.
11. ELBONICS (el bon' iks)
n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater..
12. ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun)
n. The mistaken notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.
13. FRUST (frust)
n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
14. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun)
n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the `illegal' side.
15. NEONPHANCY (ne on' fan see)
n. A fluorescent light bulb struggling to come to life.
16. PEPPIER (pehp ee ay')
n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
17. PETROPHOBIC (pet ro fob' ik)
adj. One who is embarrassed to undress in front of a household pet.
18. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh)
n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
19. PUPKUS (pup' kus)
n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
That's all folks! Have a nice weekend! |
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chow
Joined: 22 Jan 2005
Posts: 2350
Location: Cornfield County, Indiana
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| Posted: Sun Apr 02, 2006 11:40 pm Post subject: |
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What is worse, walk into a store where you know everyone by name, and have the other customers assume you work there.
I hate to shop, but I ususally know all the people in the places I shop! |
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